Ewart Alan Mackintosh
If I die to-morrow
I shall go happily.
With the flush of battle on my face
I shall walk with an eager pace
The road I cannot see.
My life burnt fiercely always,
And fiercely will go out
With glad wild fighting ringed around.
But you will be above the ground
And darkness all about.
You will not hear the shouting.
You will not see the pride,
Only with tortured memory
Remember what I used to be,
And dream of how I died.
You will see gloom and horror
But never the joy of fight.
You’ll dream of me in pain and fear,
And in your dreaming never hear
My voice across” the night.
My voice that sounds so gaily
Will be too far away
For you to see across your dream
The charging and the bayonet’s gleam,
Or hear the words I say.
And parted by the warders
That hold the gates of sleep,
I shall be dead and happy
And you will live and weep.
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Analysis (AI Assisted)
This poem grapples with the finality of death in the context of war, offering an exploration of the speaker’s perspective on the inevitable separation from those left behind. It juxtaposes the joy and fervor the speaker feels about dying in battle with the grief and sorrow that will inevitably be experienced by the person they leave behind. The poem’s central conflict rests between the speaker’s acceptance of death and the emotional turmoil that will follow for the loved one, who will be haunted by memories and dreams.
The opening lines immediately establish a resigned yet content tone: “If I die to-morrow / I shall go happily.” This introduces the central paradox of the poem—death, particularly in the context of battle, is presented not as something to fear, but something to be welcomed with a sense of fulfillment and peace. The “flush of battle” on the speaker’s face and the “eager pace” with which they walk into the unknown highlights an almost romanticized acceptance of death. The speaker sees their life as having burned brightly, and their end will be equally passionate and full of energy. The imagery of a life lived fiercely, ending with “glad wild fighting” is at odds with how those left behind might feel—trapped in darkness and mourning.
As the poem progresses, the speaker imagines the impact of their death on the person they leave behind. The contrast is stark—while the speaker envisions an energetic, almost celebratory passage into the afterlife, their loved one will be left to “remember what I used to be” and “dream of how I died.” The line “darkness all about” captures the emotional void left in the wake of the speaker’s death, with a focus on the grief-stricken memory of the departed. The tone shifts from excitement about the speaker’s fate to sorrow for the one left behind, highlighting the painful separation between the two figures.
The next section of the poem deepens this contrast, shifting from the external joy of battle to the internal emotional fallout of the one left behind. The “gloom and horror” that will accompany the loved one’s thoughts suggests that the reality of death and the violence of war are things that those who survive are left to grapple with long after the battle is over. The speaker, in contrast, will be beyond this pain—”dead and happy,” as they put it—but the person left behind will never experience the “joy of fight” and will only be haunted by “pain and fear.”
The most poignant part of the poem is the speaker’s reflection on how their death will be perceived. They will no longer be able to communicate, to offer comfort, or to share in the memories of those left behind. The voice that once carried “so gaily” will be lost in the silence of death, and the loved one will only be able to “dream of me in pain and fear.” The use of “dreaming” emphasizes how death, for those left behind, becomes something distant, a memory that cannot be fully grasped or understood in waking life. The dream of the speaker, of their voice and their presence, will be forever unreachable, separated by the “warders that hold the gates of sleep.”
The poem concludes with the speaker’s ultimate acceptance of their fate, stating that they will be “dead and happy” while their loved one will be left to weep. This final line strikes a particularly melancholic note. The speaker, seemingly at peace with their end, is still keenly aware of the suffering the surviving individual will endure. The resigned nature of the speaker’s death, marked by a certain joy and satisfaction in their fate, starkly contrasts the emotional toll their death will take on the person left behind.
In this short but poignant piece, the speaker navigates the tension between death as a soldier’s release and the continued emotional burden borne by those who survive. The poem ultimately explores the complexities of death in war—how it is embraced by the one who dies, while the person who remains faces the endless grief of loss. The form of the poem itself, with its rhythmic flow and simple structure, reinforces the contrast between the speaker’s acceptance of death and the ongoing emotional struggle of the one left behind. Through these contrasts, the poem raises profound questions about the lasting impact of war on the emotional lives of both soldiers and their loved ones.